Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   People need to understand the difference between want & need. Like I want to have hot body but I need chicken nuggets.

   What if Ghosts try to kill you only because they want you as a friend? You ever think about that? No. You only think about yourself.

   Steps to survive on a dessert island: 1. check spelling 2. if correct, enjoy

   Brushing your teeth is the only time you get to clean your skeleton.

   I wish I could unlearn English for one day so I could hear how it sounds without meaning.

   We can drink a drink, but we can’t food a food.

   Wish I were a little kid so I could take a long nap and everyone would just be proud of me.

   What if our dreams are just us seeing what the other versions of ourselves in alternate universes are doing?

   The first guy who heard a parrot talk was probably not ok for several days.

   A skinny friend told me she's never hungry and just 'forgets to eat', so I drove her out to the woods and left her for dead. Is that wrong?

   Listening to the news right now .... I'm trying to figure out which ones are the "Real" and which are the "Fake" News Channels. Some are portraying Fidel Castro as a Champion of the People. Is that considered as Real or Fake News?

   Fidel Castro dies at 90.

   .... Darn .... Trying to watch the News Channels to find out which ones are the official purveyors of Government Sanctioned News and which ones are the official Government Sanctioned Fake News stations. I'm so confused. Please help out ...Anybody Know?

   I'm so high,I'm jamming with Hendrix and Prince .

   It's national turkey club sandwich Friday. . .

   I saved $983.54 on Black Friday. I stayed home watched TV and didn't shop.

   Not sure why libs are whining. They've been given a gift in Hillary's loss. The gift of 4 years of complaining which is what they do best. Make that 2nd best. Doing nothing is what they do best.

   My elf on the shelf is just a credit card bill I move around to pretend I dealt with it.

   My entertainment today consists of browsing the commitment reports to see how many domestic battery arrests were made during Thanksgiving dinner...

   Black Friday: Because only in America, people trample ovee others for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have.