Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1052 of 6384
Facebook, making people who would’nt talk in the street wish each other Happy Birthday since 2004.
Why did my wife cross the road? To get back to the first shoe shop we went in three hours ago.
If a woman says she’s wrong, is she still wrong?
Filled the tank up with petrol today. Now all the fish are dead.
I caught my wee brother sniffing my girlfriend’s knickers today. I didn’t have the heart to tell him I’ve been wearing them all week.
Pot Roast. Two of my favorite things.
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10-17-2016 10:16 by Fazzella
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...... In the end ..... without even a fight .... A once great Nation .... Was gone. History in the making. Vote wisely folks.
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10-16-2016 22:29
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Donald Trump accuses Hilary Clinton of taking performance enhancing drugs for their last debate. Some jokes just write themselves. lol
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10-16-2016 03:02
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This joke is 100% vegan, gluten-free, no artificial colors or flavorings, unprocessed, sugar-free - and that's why it sucks.
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10-15-2016 21:45
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If anyone needs me, I'll be spending the rest of my life under this bathroom light that gives my abs a hint of definition.
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10-15-2016 21:44
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hate songs that ask you questions like seriously I have no idea what I'm gonna do after the boys of summer are gone.
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10-15-2016 21:43
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The problem with my new job is that I like all my coworkers which gives me a lot less tweet material than my last few jobs.
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10-15-2016 21:42
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Amazing how much sex you don't get when you wear a denim shirt.
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10-15-2016 21:41
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Anyone have a copy of "Men are from Bars, Women are from Venus" my girlfriend suggested I read it....Don't really need to read it, that's where we met.
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10-15-2016 21:39
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Life has given me many scars. And by 'life' I mean my (several) attempts at rollerblading.
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10-15-2016 21:37
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My most heavily used kitchen appliance is a fire extinguisher.
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10-15-2016 21:36
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You used to be able to tell a finicky child his meal was made with love. Now they double check if it's gluten-free love.
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10-15-2016 21:36
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When you volunteer at a soup kitchen, apparently it’s “inappropriate” to put out a tip jar.
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10-15-2016 21:35
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Add excitement to your marriage by putting soap in one of the cast-iron pans.
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10-15-2016 21:34
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Don't call 911 when you hear screaming and yelling at one of my family gatherings. We're Greek, and just having fun cooking dinner.
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10-15-2016 21:33
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