Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   ETC.....End of Thinking Capacity.

   With all the deaths in 2016, there is one worth celebrating. Obama's failed legacy.

   I'll call and report my car as stolen before I admit that I forgot where I parked it.

   I installed a pet door over the weekend, and the dog barked at it, and the cat pissed on it, but the raccoons have got the idea.

   One of my biggest fears is I'll marry into a family that runs 5Ks on holidays

   Never criticise your husband's faults. It may have been those little imperfections which stopped him from getting a better wife.

   This milk tastes like gorgonzola cheese. The sell by date is 12/29. Never mind. 12/29/15.

   let's take a picture of Trump at his Inauguration...and then again 4 years later. Should be fun!

   let's ake a picture of Trump at his Inauguration...and then again 4 years later. Should be fun!

   Carrie Fisher will forever stake claim on the title of Best Buns.

   I'm going to an all white New Year's Eve party and I have nothing to wear

   Can someone tell me when Santa is coming? He forgot some of the stuff I asked for

   my beer never tells me it has a girlfriend.

   Men in white windowless van's have the worst candy.

   Melania Trump just reported a suspicious small package in her bedroom.

   They say 50% of #status updates are written while sitting on the #toilet That's why I don't buy used mobile #phones .

   OK 2016 there are still a few days left ... so I nominate Hillary and the Kardashians just to ballance things out ...

   Why in the hell is 2016 letting Kanye West live?

   I gave Santa Chocolate Laxative chip cookies...

   OK... I think it's time for 2016 to die before any more good people do....