Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   BREAKING: White House informs the public of excess bread in America resulting from a lack of sandwiches being made this weekend.

   I just saw Luke Bryan is singing the National Anthem at the Superbowl. So I thought I'd post a preview for everyone....Oh Girl can you see by my pickup's headlights what so proudly we hail on the old dirt road ...

   Trump got more women to walk in 1 day than Michelle Obama did in 8 years

   I'm really not a "know it all"... For instance, up until recently, I thought cunnilingus was an Irish Airline.

   I feel an originality rush coming on. Think I'll make a dog face on Snapchat.

   This is how my week goes: moooooooooooonday.. tuuuuuuuuuuuesday... weeeeeeeeeednesday... thuuuuuuuuuursday.. fridaysaturdaysunday....

   Learn from your mistakes? It is far better to observe the stupidity of other people and learn from that.

   The packers were in it right up until the end of the national anthem.

   There are only two things in this world that smell like fish. One of them is fish.

   New England Patriots haters be like "I refuse to accept the results of the AFC Championship game. Tomorrow I'll be protesting, picketing, looting, rioting, and forming support groups. #NotMySuperBowl "

   Meanwhile one million men got to enjoy a quiet afternoon at home without anyone nagging them.

   30 million women marched to the polls back in November and voted for Trump.

   There's much better things in life than alcohol but alcohol compensates for not getting them.

   Inauguration Day 2017 Gas $2.29 Dow 19,819 NASDAQ 5560.7 Unemployment 4.7% Posting this so it will come up in my memories in 2020.

   Ok ladies, you've had your protest in Washington DC, enough, now get back to work, cleaning and cooking.

   Hell hath no fury like a woman who didn't get an answer to the question you didn't hear her ask from upstairs

   It's not the hundreds of thousands of women that marched yesterday that impresses me... It's the hundreds of thousands of men at home, by themselves, who had to go without sandwiches the whole time... They're the real heroes!

   The real women's march takes place in New England when the Patriots take the field.

   Air Force One is a major downgrade for Trump! Will he stanhd for it?

   Trump hasn't tweeted the Launch Codes yet...So, far so good!