Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   So Donald Trump has been president for about a week. Now you know how the other half felt like when Obama was our president for the last eight years.....

   Children's berry flavored delsym on the rocks... For when you're sick but still want a drink to sip on.

   I ate so many Mcdonalds breakfast sandwiches this morning I'm turning into a stud McMuffin.

   I hope Mexico doesn't raise the cost of Tequila and Produce to pay for this wall.

   If Trump is AIDS in human form, then Obama is the a$$hole he got it from.

   “Catch me outside, how about that?

   Nice try MacDonalds, trying to give away you're secret sauce, I've already have a bottle of thousand island dressing in the refrigerator

   It is times like this that make me laugh at people from the south.Hurricanes & tornados, people still go to work, Snow, deserted streets and empty grocery stores.

   I think when Trump says Mexico will pay for that wall he doesn't mean the Government but El Chapo's seized 14bn assets from criminal forfeiture.

   It's usually the ones with the dirtiest hands pointing the fingers.

   I lost my virginity when I was 15. It was smokin' hot until I bit her thigh and all the air leaked out.

   If I were an actual snowflake, ie the feathery ice crystal with a sixfold symmetry, I'd be highly insulted.

   Mexico is paying for the wall in the form of tarriffs on goods imported from there.

   What do you get a girl who has everything ? Penicillin

   if I had a nickel for everytime someone told me I'm bad at math,id have 47 cents

   The drummer for the Allman Brothers band has passed away. That means only three more drummers, four more guitar players, and a doped up keyboard player to go.

   If your phone is autocorrecting kindergarten to Kardashian, the world is not wrong, it's your search habits.

   I'm in a book store and a liberal clerk helped me. I asked for the new Trump book on his immigration policy. She said, "F-you! Get out and stay out! I go, "Yes, that's it, do you have it in paperback?"

   My new phone just autocorrected kindergarten to Kardashian. That my dear people, is exactly what is wrong with this world.

   I don't get why all these people are saying "Not My Precedent!" Do they share a shameful past?