Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Car dealerships greatly over-estimate the allure of tents.

   A new study says humans are psychic, and I'm living proof of it. For example, I can clearly foresee a future where this study is debunked.

   I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.

   'cyber' Monday is awesome I got like 3 dates lined up....also I think there was a sale online

   We can forgive Ireland's $70 billion debt. But we must never forgive them for Riverdance.

   Am I the only one thats addicted to air?

   US Military is experimenting with robots. Part of new program, "Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Don't Rise Up and Kill Us."

   French couple claims to have found 271 unknown Picassos. Suspiciously, one of them is "Still Life with McRib."

   my New Year's Resolution is to travel back in time and stop Jersey Shore from EVER being made.

   I almost got to go skiing....but my husband got mad when he saw me spraying WD-40 on the bottom of his skis...

   wants to go back in time and give the person just about to invent the "high five" a high five, then sit back and watch the universe implode

   I prefer to learn from someone elses mistakes.

   The weather is such a slut, when its hot out it makes everyone take there cloths off, the wind is always blowing people, the rain make everybody wet, and the snow covers everybody in white stuff.

   Please stop telling me how poor you are via Facebook for iPhone.... really?

   RIP Leslie Nielsen. Shirley, he will be missed.

   Studies show that excessive poking can make you go blind.

   born with no eyelids. Doctor used some of the extra foreskin from my circumcision to make some. He said I would be fine, just a little cock-eyed.

   If your stepbrother is gay does that make him your half sister ?

   Sarah Palin has a new reality TV show. Now all she has to do is enter reality.

   found a short cut for this years Marathon