Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Juston Beiber is the AMA Artist of the year, Wonder why every one hate america

   sai Yes to weed, No to cigarettez.

   Why do local banks feel compelled to inform of us the temperature? I can't recall every thinking to myself, "Oh, it's 42 degrees, maybe I'll take out a loan."

   Here's a gross thought: what if you thought you were having diarrhea, but you looked down and saw the toilet filled with dead spiders?

   I know karate, kung fu, tae kwon do, jujitsu, and 27 other dangerous words.

   My life coach just benched me.

   No, your *other* counterclockwise.

   decided to end all of his stories with "and the rest is history" from now on to make them seem more interesting. Example: "and that's why I decided to change toilet paper brands...and the rest is history"

   The last thing I want to do is hurt you...but it's still on the list.

   Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut up.

   thought he wanted a career...years of experience have taught him that what he really wanted was just the paychecks.

   ummmm...nothin like wild turkey for thanksgiving.

   The only turkey I'll be having on Thursday most likely is the wild kind, on the rocks

   Justin Bieber wins at the American Music Awards...reason enough to declare war on Canada

   So my daughter who is 6 years old (about to be 7 in January) can text on her cell phone, google and youtube Justin Beiber videos on my laptop. When I was that age I thought I was cool because I knew how to dial 911 on the house phone!

   You need to carry Lifesavers on you religiously because they will serve their purpose. In your pockets & in your car. Do it. Trust me.

   Don't slap my ass then apologize.

   Why does the new thomas the train commercial say it's so easy to score??

   I always wanted a good job and to drive fancy cars... finally I am a valet.

   Justin Bieber won Artist of the Year at the American Music Awards. **snaps fingers** Mmm Hmmm You Go Girl!!