Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   - If Adam and Eve would have been Chinese, they would have simply eaten the snake and left the apple alone!

   - I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. "Alright, get in the basket"

   - Little boy writes to Santa: Please send me a sister. Santa writes to little boy: Ok, send me your mother.

   was very excited until my wife informed me that is NOT why they call it Hump Day. Sure, honey. And I suppose that Cinco de Mayo has nothing to do with mayonnaise?

   After the morning news...decided I didnt need to play R.E.M (It's the end of the world, as we know it ) every morning, like I have since November 2008.....Bahahahahaha

   Everybody poops, but not everyone washes their hands........ I'm just Saying.

   all he's done in 2 yrs is take fancy trips and vacations on our dime!!

   I woke up this morning and you were gone, then I thought... oh wait, it wasn't you.... never mind.

   You know your mind is already on the weekend when someone at work tells you they're giving away shots, and you assume alcohol before flu.

   will most likely go through yet another hump day without doing what the name implies. :-(

   If you watch Scarface backwards, it's about a man who gives up cocaine and crime to follow his dream of becoming a dishwasher to earn enough money so he can visit Cuba.

   Stubbing your toe is only a light switch away.

   So let me get this right, I cant legally smoke marajuana, yet I can go to my local gun store and buy a Semi Automatic Machine Gun, a couple of grenades and all the ammo I want? Now who's the one that's been smoking something here?

   Tea Party = Undercover White Supremacy

   I spend so much time on Facebook that I forgot the internet has porn.

   Sarah Palin for President in 2012......The real end of the world.

   If you can't beat 'em cheat 'em -Harry Ried

   Hmmmm....what to do with this remaining roll of black duct tape I have now that Halloween is over?

   We live in a world in which politics has replaced philosophy.

   Mr. President, please remove your hand from my pocket; I can stimulate myself.