love Funny Status Messages

   I love you but I'm not, "I want us to be miserable together," in love with you.

   I love that you can pee anywhere you want at Wal Mart.

   I love Ebay. Sold my homing pigeon 8 times last month.

   I have an actual date this weekend so if any of you are in love with me, you better say something or forever hold your peace.

   Roses are red, nuts are round, skirts are up, panties are down, belly to belly, skin to skin, when it is stiff, stick it in! Not that's a love poem!

   When two people love each other deeply, nothing is impossible. Except deciding on where to eat.

   My mother told me: "alcohol is your worst enemy." Jesus said: "love your enemy." Case closed.

   Leave it to a collection of random motherf uckers I've never met to make me feel less like shi t, I love you guys

   love screwing with the minds of the foreign telemarketers "Oh my name is Perry, like Terry but with a P as in Pterodactyl."

   I love walking with my wife on the beach,, until the ambien wears off and I'm just dragging a mannequin around the Wal-Mart parking lot.

   It gives me collywobbles to admit this but most of what I post is purely flibbertigibbet. It's not that I think you to be a gobemouche, i'm just a pettifogger and a slangwanger. I'm not a snollygoster, I just love to bloviate. Thanks for understanding!

   The neighbors love it when I practice piano. They break my window to hear me better.

   I LOVE putting on underwear fresh out of the dryer. They're so warm and cozy! I HATE when the lady in the laundromat tries to take them back! :(

   Girls fall in love with what they hear... Guys fall in love with what they see. That is why girls wear makeup, and guys lie!

   I love you, babe, of course you can get whatever you want...whoa, whoa, let's keep it on the dollar menu, though, ok?

   Women say they love nerds until you whip out your Pokemon cards.

   i found a sexy person who I love very much.... it's a shame i'm not allowed to marry myself

   OKAY!!! OKAY!!!...... We're prepared to meet ALL your demands!.................. Just put the sharpie on the floor, and kick it over to daddy.... Please, for the love of God,, Please?

   Dan Marino's Love Child: There were no DNA tests. This came about when the mom saw the kid throw her bottle across the room in a perfect spiral hitting her dead center in the face every time.

   "i would do anything for love, but I won't do that...or that, or that, or that, or that, or that"