life Funny Status Messages

   Whenever you feel like a genius, remember there was a time in your life when you were learning to not crap your pants.

   I don't sweat the small stuff. I let it fill me with rage. Then I drink. Then I sweat alcohol. It's like the circle of life.

   So it's okay to kill hookers in video games, but smack one around in real life because you want to negotiate the price and suddenly everyone gets all pissy. Geeze.

   Life is like a p*nis, it's short but it seems so long when it gets hard.

   The silence between my status updates is the sound of my real life.

   Art imitates life. Imitation is the highest form of flattery. Flattery will get you nowhere. So GOOD LUCK WITH THAT ART DEGREE!

   STEP 1: Sign up for email newsletter STEP 2: Receive email newsletter STEP 3: Delete unread email newsletter for the rest of your life

   When Life knocks you down, calmly get back up, smile, and say "You hit like a bit$h."

   Life is more exciting when you're out there living it. I read that somewhere.

   My friend Dave is serving a life sentence for something he didn't do. He didn't wipe his fingerprints off the knife.

   Just got a booty call from life, apparently it still wants to keep fu$king me.

   When people ask me "How's life?", I sing them the chorus of Akon's Lonely while crying and slowly walk away.

   It's hangovers like this that make me wish I had a Life Alert.

   Still waiting for the best day of my life to happen...!!!

   I think I could be with one woman for the rest of my life if there were no other women on earth.

   You may have over 300 friends but in true life when you're older you can count the amount of friends you have on one hand.

   When LIFE turns itz BACK on U.. SLAP itz a$$!!!!

   Some people in my life are as useless as the "AY" in "OKAY", but once in awhile I like to take the time to spell things out so I need em..

   The best things in life make you sweaty.

   Don't you love it when your iPod is about to fall, and your earphones save it's life?