Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If standing up for the constitution makes me an extremist, then yes, I am!

   This girl came up to me today and said she recognised me from vegetarian club.I was confused, I'd never met herbivore.

   I have 20/20 vision but i'm having a hard time reading this blurry code I have to enter online.

   can't believe no-one has come up with a cure for anorexia yet. Surely it must be a piece of cake...

   Lil'Wayne must be strong if he can pick the world up and drop it on my head

   Wonder what chairs would look like if our knees bent the other way

   wondering if ghosts only speak/understand english?

   If I were a pilot I would scream "WE'RE GOING DOWN" every time I landed the plane.

   Simba was walking to slow, so she told him to mufasa

   My ex once told me we need to speak the same language... so I ordered Rosetta Stone crazy edition so I could learn to communicate in her native tongue!

   Ok I can only last 5 mins in bed so remind me....... why am I going to use Trojan fire&ice again????

   If Charlie Brown comes to your house trick or treating this Sunday, please give that kid some candy. That poor kid has been getting just rocks since 1966!

   May the wind always be at your back and the sun upon your face. And may the wings of destiny carry you aloft to dance with the stars. - george jung

   Whoever originally thought up the vampire idea should have trademarked it.

   Happiness is a cop car turning his lights on behind you and immediately going past you.

   The big bag of Halloween candy has already been opened. The outcome does not look good for trick or treaters on Sunday.

   you've been unfriended, unfollowed and blocked. Let me know where you can see this, so I can block you there too!

   "Back in my day we never went to school, the Indians taught us!"

   had absolutely no sympathy for the large woman who dropped her mars bar in front of me today but physically couldnt get down to pick it up

   Thinking they need to make pro football and basketball coaches wear uniforms like baseball coaches do.