Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Women are like beer, some go down better then others..

   traveling deep into Mordor and picking up the kid's from Sauron's house.

   I throw my can up in the air sometimes saying AYO where out of beer YO..

   It is difficult to be stupid... competition is huge...

   You should do this, you should do that...how bout you jus be happy I even listen to your suggestions! 

   According to Time mag...we may be interpretng the Mayan calendar incorrectly. Damn...you know what this means...at least one more month of an Obama presidency. How depressing!!!

   Dear Political Candidate, if you are going to enter our home via media, you need to follow our house rule #3: "Every time you say something negative about you brother, you must say three good things about him." My name is Cindy & I approve this status.

   if you can't beat 'em............RUN

   My opponent Cindy wants to kill you and your family... the 3 good things about her though is 1) She has nice hair 2) She has a nice smile 3) She likes the outdoors

   Thinks there should be a sarcasm font....would make FB life so much easier.....

   running outta status updates...please post something funny...like a come back status....

   thinks that playing tag with sprinters is the 2nd least fun game in the world. second only to playing on a seesaw with a sumo wrestler.

   The only reason he had a child is so that he can meet babysitters

   A headache: Not how I expected to start my weekend... I was thinking more of ENDING it with one!

   I heard that you changed your mind. So, what did you do with the diaper?

   I wish I had a lower I.Q., so that I could enjoy your company.

   Let's go some place were we can each be alone

   Boston fans always bring up the total team salary of New York when the Yankees lose, yet they never mention Red Sox have MLB's 2nd highest payroll and still failed to qualify for playoffs. Translation = Yankees spend wisely, Red Sox do not. Case rested.

   Refuses to comment on the grounds that it might incriminate me.

   "Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research."...Wilson Mizner