Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   you never realize how annoying people are until you add them on facebook :)

   If everyday is a gift then today was socks.

   Ok now hey you stop poking you want sex..

   P.E.T.A.= People Eating Tasty Animals....... I LOVE HUNTING SEASON!

   "You don't marry the person you can live with...You Marry the person You cant live without!"

   Holding a grudge is letting someone live rent-free in your head.

   "This is not an assignment you can casually handle doing the night before". You may as well be challenging me

   was so disappointed when he found out that it was called "we day" not "weed day"...

   does Rosetta Stone have a version that teaches you English??

   your pickup line just made me decide to change teams

   Sometimes I see a cute kid and think "someday I might want one of those". But then I realize that I say the same thing about monkeys and rocketships and the feeling goes away.

   Omg! I just hit a woman on my bike. Just kidding.. I don't ride in the kitchen!

   Why do people lie when getting a gift by saying "Oh You didn't have to do that" HELLO! Thats the only reason they where invited!

   Thanks facebook, I'm really getting the hang of stalking now!

   Would like to copyright a Dark chestnut ribbon now! Not sure for what good cause yet but have to get in early we are running out of colors!

   When I was younger I always felt like I was a boy trapped in a woman's body. However, that changed when I was born.

   relieved. He hasn't seen this many miners rescued since they closed down Neverland.

   The Russian Military is saving money by using inflatable tanks as decoys. You cant tell them apart from the real thing....apart from the sign saying 'No Shoes'..

   If everyday is a gift then today's gift is a box of straws cuz it sucks.

   Don't be upset if people preferred another one to you..... its hard to convince monkey that strawberries are sweeter than bananas..