Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You ever fire up your leaf blower and blow your neighbor's chihuahua down the street??

   My friend called me a fatty today... If I wasen't busy eating my fried twinkie I would of slapped him

   I wonder what would happen if everyone decided to call in sick on Monday..

   Brett Favre just sent me an inappropriate text message....I guess it's not that big a deal...I'll just wait two years before I tell anybody... Yea...

   Salsa, Olives, Sour Cream Dip, Spread it on a layer of Tortilla Chips, You add some guacomole and some melted cheese, your mouth just made a touchdown right here on NBC!

   The 49ers have 56 active players... here they are in no particular order Kevin Boss Shaun Hill and Josh Morgan 53 more to go right here on NBC

   When asked what the Indians called America before the white man came, an Indian said simply, "Ours."

   Im done being mad at everybody. From now on I'm going to start buying my enemies gifts.. the brown gifts wrap with tape and left on their porch

   Without the proper bra support, I run like Tyrannosaurus Rex.

   my voices started talking spanish and right in the middle of a sentence then changed to russian....what do you think that means? I dont understand any thing but English. I'm starting to think they are planning a War against me

   I found a case of Natty Light on the floor of a random aisle in the grocery store. After I returned it to the coolers, I felt like I did my good deed for the day.

   I wish I was as popular 20yrs ago in HS the way I am now on Facebook!

   Life before the computer: Memory was something that you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider's home. A virus was the flu. A CD was a bank account. A

   screw the dog...a kitty is a mans best friend!

   A bad Walmart greeting just ruins the whole experience.

   Why is it that I have to recite the entire alphabet to remember where one letter is?

   Given his pass completion percentage tonight, it's clear Favre just isn't handling balls like he used to.

   Life before the computer punchline(see above 3): And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy...you hoped nobody found out.

   After the Vikings dreadful performance and fall to 1-3, the Chilean Miners have decided to stay underground.

   The unemployment numbers are twice as bad if you count people who describe themselves as "bloggers."