Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I guess it's time to go to the grocery store. A mouse hung himself in the fridge with a note saying "Sorry,can't live like this anymore".

   Ooh crap! It's been over four hours.I'm grabing the video camera!

   May those who love us love us, and those who do not love us, may God turn their hearts. And if he cannot turn their hearts, may he turn their ankles so that we may know them by their limping.

   You weren't the first to stake the flag son,but you walked on the moon..

   It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

   I have learned that pleasing everyone is too hard, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake

   It's easier to drive to mars than to figure out how a male thinks .

   There wouldn't be so many warning labels if we didn't have so many stupid people in the world.

   . "I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass... and I'm all out of bubblegum."

   Don't walk as if you rule the world, walk as if you DON'T CARE who rules the world! THIS IS WHAT I CALL ATTITUDE .......

   If two men agree on everything, you may be sure that one of them is doing the thinking.

   Yes, I've made mistakes, but life didn't come with instructions on.

   thinks its time to clean out the handbag, I just put it on the passenger seat of my car and the seat belt light came on!

   thinks that if we were germs, I would be the 1% dettol can't kill!

   I'm the type of girl who can be so hurt but still look at you & smile. The type of girl who is willing to brighten your day even if I cant brighten my own.

   hey YOU...I'm Sorry, did my back hurt your knife?

   True friends stab you in the front!

   Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to like you?

   thinks that if we were germs, I would be the 1% bad ass that lysol can never kill!!

   IDK what it is about gum, but I suddenly feel so much sassier when I chew it!!