Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You and I wake up in jail together. Using only FOUR words, what would you say to me? Leave me a comment.... Then copy and paste this in your status and see what funny things your friends say....(if you make a comment you have to put this in your status)

   I don't really care where you put it, as long as you don't make me hold it!!!

   Likes it put up so it doesn't get in the way of her doing her chores.

   if only priceline has health insurance...then there would be no need for goverment intervention

   if you know what a 8-track tape is...you are considered a dinosaur now

   I don't fear dating a younger woman, it's her father and his shotgun I have problems with.

   Friends are a bad influence. And I would just like to thank them for that.

   i can spell, it's the grammer that I has a problem with

   been spendin' most his life livin' in a gangsta paradise...

   Now that we know you girls were talking about a purse, how about now you tell us where do you REALLY like it..

   has a friend who recently started a new business selling landmines that look like prayer mats... He says it's going really well - prophets are going through the roof...

   Did I already post my Alzheimer's joke?

   My doctor asked me if I drank to excess. I told him I would drink to anything.

   Ever it all changed .. it just hasn't been the same

   Ever since it all chaged ... it just hasn't been the same

   So I'm a guy and would it make me gay if I put as my status, 'I like it on a hospital bed'? Just wondering.

   ladies, regardless of where you like it...just don't ask us to hold it.

   going to buy a boat some day and name it "Cirrhosis of the River"

   Won employee of the month again! I love being self employed.

   I like to think I'm an Edward, a really gay British Edward.