Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You did WHAT?? With WHO?? Behind WHAT barn?? For how many COOKIES!?!?

   Here officer, hold my beer while I find my license.

   wonders if there is a manly way to eat a banana??

   Just remember the knight in shining armor just might be an idiot wrapped in tinfoil.

   MMMmmmm just saw an ad for the New Playstation "Move".......... looks amazingly like Wii........ 3 years later...Way to stay on top of your game there Sony... just like coming out with your MP3 player after the I-Pod.....

   says, "Hello Monday..." the same way Jerry Seinfeld says, "Hello Newman..."

   **best way to be noticed in a bank** EVERYBODY FREEZE!....did anybody else feel that earthquake?

   RELATIONSHIP: A bond between two people; One person works to create/maintain love and fufillment while the other person waits for something better to come along....:(

   i think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a women

   ....and now the sequence of events in no particular order

   the doctor x-rayed my head an found nothng...

   outside of all the killing, washington has the lowest crime rate in the country

   People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.

   Random thought: Ed Hardy shirts are the new sweatpants; wearing them in public means you've given up on life.

   Wanna know why god invented the womens belly button? So you have a place to put your gum on the way down!

   Ladies, pay attention ... sperm is made up of anger, stress, and anxiety ... best way to keep a man happy is to rid them of this negativity ... regularly!!!

   Happy Birthday to YOU, Google. May this be the year you find what you've been searching for......

   I bought a piece of furniture last night, but when I woke up it was gone. Who knew they made one night stands!?

   Everyone around me Getting Married OR Pregnant, But am getting DRUNK!

   hates it when the doctor tells me I'm going to feel a slight sensation... *shudder*