Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   if I could just harness the powers of that groundhog to predict the future...I'd be unstoppable...and I could dig like a mother fu@ker too...

   Psychotherapy is like the boardgame Clue: "I know who did it. It was my mother, with the passive-aggression, in the 80's."

   the kinda guy your mother warned you about. Warned you not to let get away because a good man is hard to find.

   Evidently once your mother leaves the house you jump on her computer and think your a comedian with the "once you....."

   You know what's amazing? "how I met your mother"

   After pulling an all-nighter, I had the pleasure of meeting my girlfriend's mother for the very first time. She walked in on me in the bathroom...I had fallen asleep while taking a dump...

   A blizzard in January, and a tornado in February. I didn't realize how bi polar mother nature really is.

   I was raised by my father----my mother left before I was born.

   A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother why the bride changed her mind. What do you mean? responded her mother. Well, she went down the aisle with one man, and came back with another...

   i walked past my mother-in-law's house today that was on fire. I spotted her screaming from the top window, "SAVE ME, SAVE ME!!!" ...So I did! ...as my new screensaver.

   "Someone's been eating my porridge!", said Father bear. Mother bear sighed and poured him another bowl. Life was tough and draining for her, now that her husband was suffering from Alzheimer's.

   African mother to her child: "You better be happy you're that skinny, there's fat kids in America that wish they were as skinny as you!"

   what was that saying from that commercial from the '70's...don't mess with mother nature.

   You take care of ME, I take care of YOU! - Mother Earth

   What's the difference between a Catholic mother and a Jewish mother? A Catholic mother says "If you don't eat this, I'll kill you.", a Jewish mother says "If you don't eat this, I'll kill myself.".

   On this blessing occasion of mother's day I'd like to thank all the sri lankis and philippinos and other maids who are raising the precious lebanese children and wish them a happy mother's day

   I'm so awesome that before I was born, my mother had an ultrasound, and they asked for a sequel.

   Nothing like being 29 years old and having your Mother threaten to ground you if you get another tattoo. Havent seen her this fired up since I got caught in a dirty chat room on AOL 3.0

   wondering why nobody told me that half my job as mother would be smelling the crotches of things.

   My mother always told me to never quit something I'm good at. So here is to her for making me realise that i'm good at being drunk!