Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   had a scab on his knee that fell off today. He is a sore loser.

   is reading his friends' drunken late night what's on their mind posts. Common themes seem to be trying to get laid, "drama" and having "one more" drink.

   Sexual abuse by clergy, it's not just for Catholics anymore.

   Junk- something you keep for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

   While getting dressed this morning, I decided I have been spending waaaaay too much time on the computer, when I caught myself checking the lower right corner of my make-up mirror to see what time it was.

   you're all invited to my bachelor party! Granted, I'm not even getting married. But thats not a reason to not have a night out with my buddies with beer and strippers!

   I guess the foot's on the other hand now, isn't it Kramer?

   a toast to Levi Strauss, who died today in 1902 - "Thanks for making my ass look good all these years!"

   I'm not afraid of heights, swimming, or love... Just falling, drowning, and rejection...

   A priceless moment is when the person that you have fallen in love with, looks you right in the eyes to tell you that they have fallen in love with you...

   The trick is not how much pain you feel - but how much joy you feel... Any idiot can feel pain... Life is full of excuses to feel pain, excuses not to live, excuses, excuses, excuses...

   If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable...you disconnect yourself from what you truly want...and all that is left is a compromise...

   I've learned not to be picky in farewells... They aren't guaranteed or promised... You are lucky, more than blessed, if you get a goodbye at all...

   Value has a value ONLY if its value is valued . . .

   You know the incredible thing about hearts is their unbelievable capacity for forgiveness... You'd be amazed what people will overlook when they love someone...

   Welcome to psychoville...!!!!!!!!!!!

   Live your life and forget your age...

   It's not that I'm so smart , it's just that I stay with problems longer

   Water and cereal dont mix

   bell out of order, please knock