santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   I'm so glad the elections are over and we can put all that stress behind us and move on to being stessed about the holidays.

   How come no one has came up with a skeleton turkey inflatable with a santa hat on so you can put it out october 1st and take it down after Christmas.

   The wife: what do you want for Christmas, sky is the limit Me: new boat The wife: lower sky

   Well it’s that time of the year to go outside and pretend to put up the Christmas lights I never took down from last year.

   to the people who put antlers and a red rudolph nose on your car for christmas, you can’t fool me I know that’s a car

   accidentally left edibles for santa and came downstairs to find him trying to watch pink floyd on my toaster

   Tryna see how I’m finna split 8$ between 17 people for Christmas 🥴..

   I have a problem with gingerbread people living in houses made of their flesh, but I promised not to bring it up and ruin Christmas again this year.

   Christmas decorations should come with coupons for couples counseling.

   I decided to beat Black Friday and start my Christmas shopping early. *Runs Amazon van off the road

   Mrs. Claus: *opens door* you’ve been in here working on the naughty list all day Santa Claus: *fumbling to close his internet browser* I need PRIVACY please

   Don't drink and wrap presents. Also, if anyone gets a remote control for Christmas, I'm going to need that back...

   All I want for Christmas is a stimulus check.

   its okay Christmas Tree. My lights don't come on either.

   Keeping 6 ft away from me may protect you from my germs, but you’ll need to be a lot farther than that to avoid the glare from my heavily-sequined Christmas sweater.

   I cannot afford to get my wife a new Lexus for Christmas so I’ll be tying a red ribbon on a pair of Sketchers and setting them in the driveway.

   We parents need to stop threatening our kids with a lump of coal. It’s cruel and outdated. Behave or Santa will break your iPad, kids.

   Last year for Christmas I got a sweater...this year I am hoping for a moaner or screamer.

   He’s a one eyed optometrist with a cauliflower addiction. She hunts babies for sport. But could a chance Christmas encounter mean a forever love blossoms. Find out this Saturday on The Hallmark Channel.

   I slept under the Christmas tree once when I was 9 waiting for Santa. And once when I was 35 waiting for the room to stop spinning.