santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Family planning experts are now recommending giving men vasectomy gift cards for the holidays. Talk about taking the jingle out of the bells.

   Fyi: Do not drink and wrap presents. Also, if anyone gets a remote control for Christmas, I'm gonna need that back.

   Please allow children to believe in Santa. You believe in essential oils and no one is ruining it for you.

   Bought some pre-tangled Christmas lights to save some time this year.

   I put in an URGENT REQUEST to Santa last night for a mirror so you can locate that STICK that's UP YOUR @$S and REMOVE IT!!

   My favorite Christmas song is whichever one comes on right after Feliz Navidad.

   Still looking for the Christmas presents I hid last year.

   I could easily do all my Christmas shopping at the Cracker Barrel gift shop.

   I'm saying this before the 12th day of Christmas even arrives. I'm keeping the 8 maids a milking and the 9 ladies dancing. That's it Everything else is going back to Walmart.

   If you love Christmas so much, why don't you marry it, Eve? What I'm trying to say is: Merry Christmas Eve.

   Merry Christmas everyone and Happy Birthday Jesus without a Facebook reminder.

   If you know anyone home alone for Christmas let me know! I need to borrow their chairs...

   Prepare yourself. The family Christmas pajama pics are headed your way.

   If you can read this, you're going to be pretty disappointed in what I "got you" for christmas.

   Everybody’s saying Merry Christmas to their friends and family, so here’s a Merry Christmas to all the strangers and enemies no one ever says Merry Christmas to!

   The Day After Christmas Menu: Breakfast: Leftover lasagna. Lunch: Leftover lasagna. Dinner: Leftover lasagna. Dessert: Leftover lasagna. Beverage: Lasagna shake.

   I can't believe we still have 364 days till Christmas and people already have their lights up.

   I got jumper cables for Christmas because I like to start crap...

   For Sale: Slightly used Christmas tree. Cheap. Can pick up in front of neighbor's house.

   I got one of those Instant Pot gadgets for Christmas. What a load of BS. 3 days now and it hasn't produced any weed whatsoever. Instant Pot my eye.