You post constant status updates about what TV show you're watching and what you're eating for dinner. You're not allowed to whine when people get excited for football once a week.
Whenever I get one of those muffled, through-the-purse, four-minute-long voicemail messages where the person thought they hung up but really didn't, I always listen to the entire thing. People do some funny sh*t when they think no one is listening.
When I have visitors in town, my tour guide instincts kick in and I show them as much as I can. “That's the grocery store I go to.” “I work out there.” “I've made out with a girl on that bench.” “I've peed behind that dumpster." I hope
I can't explain why but whenever I see a blind person, I instinctively refuse to say or do anything to alert them that I'm there. Instead, I stealthily scoot to the side as they pass me. It's what a ninja must feel like all the time.
Dear Man Next To Me: You might want to turn down your iPod, because everyone in the room can tell you're listening to "Party In The USA" even though you don't think they can.
~There are a lot of things you dont know about me facebook..Things you wouldn't understand......Things you couldn't understand........ Things you shouldn't understand.~
Dear Loreal, your hair coloring products get rid of my gray hair and your cosmetics make me look younger, but tell me what you were thinking when you came up with this self-tanning lotion that makes your skin orange?
Sorry little boy who came to my door trying to make a better life for yourself, but I will not buy that 7$ candy bar from you when I can get the same candy bar for a buck at the store.