Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A$$ ICONS: (_!_) - Regular A$$ ; (__!__) - Fat A$$ ; ( ! ) - Tight A$$ ; (_*_) - Sore A$$ ; (_o_) - Well used A$$ ; (_e=mc²_) - Smart A$$ !!!!! :D

   What's the diference between a woman and a battery? A battery has a positive side.

   It's not that I don't like men..Its just that I think they should drink from separate water fountains..

   i guess its better to be picking daisies than pushing them up

   killing 1 bird with 2 stones

   so the truth come out of its eerie inhabitants

   I hate rich people who think they are above and better than the poor and middle class,hey people when your gone they'll use manure on your grave just like mine

   need advice on how to make a paper cut to the jugular look like an accident.

   damn wish I didnt take things to literally all the time went to friendly's and the waitress asked if I would like a happy ending

   My mom thinks LOL stands for "Lots Of Love" and texted me "Your Grandma just died. LOL"

   I never understood why guys always have their hands down their pants. Then last night I found myself watching TV with my hand in my bra. It finally occurred to me...when you've got something great, you want to hold onto it.

   you move on because theres nothing else you can do

   If he was stupid enough to walk away, be smart enough to let him go

   sometimes You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.

   The fact that I have a Southern accent, doesn't make me stupid.

   You know you're a mother when you hide in the bathroom to be alone!

   A man gets on a plane with 6 kids. The flight attendant asks, "Are these your kids?" The man replies, "No, I work for Trojan and these are customer complaints!"

   I really hope I don't get abducted by aliens. I haven't learned to speak Spanish yet!

   how can the world end in 2012 if I have a yogurt that expires is 2013?

   Setting a trap for the tooth fairy. chalk, string, duct tape and a little dynamite. theif should of gave me more than $1 for my tooth.....she's toast.