Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   at Ground Zero instead of a mosque they should construct a couple of tall buildings for global trade and commerce. They should be called something like the World Trade Center

   Honoring those that forgot all the rules inflicted on you as a child. Those that forgot how to spank a kid's ass when they misbehave. Those that shamelessly spoil your kid, hype them up on sugar and then send them home. ♥ Happy Grandparent's Day <3

   Anger is one letter short of danger.

   I believe in looking out for number one. Especially if the dog's not housetrained.

   why don't they just make a James Bond Television Series? Because if you think about it, there's already enough movies to make one season."

   purposely walked thru and disrupted a wedding so that I could then whip out mentos and pop one in my mouth and smile and make things all good again

   2 words have opened alot of doors for me....Push and Pull....

   According to the anti-piracy ads "Copying DVDs is stealing" By that logic, taking a photo is kidnapping.

   Don't you hate it when you're out with MC Hammer and he won't let you touch anything?

   If anyone has trouble finding the key to my heart, I keep an extra set under the stones in my kidney.

   If you want something you never had, then you've got to do something you've never done.

   Facebook: Where people go to re-experience their childhood rejection & acceptance issues all over again.

   I don't need to walk a mile in your shoes. I can see you're a train wreck from all the way over here.

   I will play fair when I get to make up the rules.

   I don't know why people complain about wanting more hours in the day. If I had more hours I'd have to get more creative about how I waste them.

   I'm going to have to start following my brain. My heart is clearly an idiot.

   Sometimes, I wish I could delete other people's Facebook Status updates.

   Nobody says “long story short” unless it's already too late…

   If I can smell my water, I don't want it.

   I love it when people say they haven't evacuated during a hurricane because they had to protect their homes. Who the hell do they think they are? Superman?