Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It felt so good to delete you, I'd accept you just to do it all over again!!

   ohh really? no blisters if I use this right?

   Im starting a "stop breeding ugly children boycott" in front of the hospitals

   I am very suspicious about joggers. It seems as if they are always the ones who find the bodies.

   some times the same way a guy does not cherish a good girl a girl does not cherish a good guy.

   Just caught my girlfreind in bed with my best friend. I threw her out, then grabbed him and shouted, "Bad Dog! Bad Dog!"

   The grass may look greener . . . but it's Astroturf.

   I got enough crap in my life at the moment sorry I cant fit you in!

   it's been a great summer and would like to thank the ladies for the great mammaries

   We should get 600 rolls of toilet paper, and tp Trevor Hoffmans house...

   CRAP.... look who's online..LOG OUT LOG OUT LOG OUT....."Hey whats up?..s***!!

   Mon :( Tues :/ Wed :| Thurs :) Friday :D Sat ^.^ Sun -_-

   Dont Drink and Ebay.. you'll surely get bankrupt

   Dear A+. You are the most beautiful grade of them all... Thank you for visiting... Please hang out with me more often... We belong together... I will never tire of looking at you...

   lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.

   Like all moms, there are days when Mother Nature just wants to feel sexy. Somehow, this leads to hurricanes.

   The only magic trick I know is transforming a full potato chip bag into a trash bag.

   Wanna be happy and married? Erase the last two words from the previous sentence.

   I don't trust people who like me the second we meet. I'm an acquired taste.

   Getting stuff out of my refrigerator is like playing Jenga.