santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   What do people who send out family Christmas cards want from us?

   Bad part about being a bomb disposal technician..... It takes me 6 hours to open my Christmas presents.

   I’m going to write a modern Christmas song called “baby is cold outside” it’s the story of a woman arguing with her husband about the thermostat

   When people say "Are you ready for Christmas?" I say "I'm ready for it to be over.

   I’d like to see a commercial where the wife receives a brand new Lexus on Christmas morning and the she turns to her husband and says "You idiot! WTF is the matter with you? We can’t afford a Lexus!"

   An easy way to tell people you don't like them is to send them a Xmas card with glitter on it.

   In honor of Charles Dickens I am also going to be poor this Christmas

   My wife said I can't have a flamethrower for Christmas.

   if you like christmas so much why don't you merry it

   Santa gets all the credit and I get all the debt

   This whole Santa should have no gender is crap. Here is how you know Santa is a man. He shows up late, eats your cookie, empties his sack, comes only once, calls you a Ho and leaves while you're asleep.

   The liquor store clerk just wished me a Merry Christmas. As if he wasn't going to see me 5 more times before then.

   You know what most people are getting for Christmas? Fat.

   I think for Christmas Mark Zuckerberg should share some of his wealth with us all we helped him make, or at least give us fonts.

   To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I'm making my house into an Italian restaurant.

   Loving and all these Christmas photos you're posting of your families who look as joyous and festive as the family who came with a picture frame I bought a while ago, who I also don't know.

   For sale: Slightly used Christmas tree. Can pick up in front of neighbors house.

   For Sale. Slightly used Christmas tree. Price negotiable. Can pick up in front of neighbor's house.

   Now it's too hot out to take the Christmas lights down.

   This is ridiculous its July 8th... Neighbors are still shooting off fireworks, one almost caught my Christmas decorations on fire..