love Funny Status Messages

   My Wife said the other day "Do you still love me now that I'm getting old and fat?". Apparently "you're not old" was an inppropriate response.

   You know before Facebook, I use to call up 435 friends of mine everyday... just to tell them 'how much I hate my work and how much I love getting stoned.'

   My stalker just threatened to kill herself if I didn't love her back. It's nice when problems resolve themselves like that.

   Love is when you wake up with your boxers around your ankles and your hands full of peanut butter, right?.

   This B1tch got "SNGL MOM" on her License Plates.. Basically she just gave up on Love all together!

   I'd love to make money at home in my spare time. But counterfeiting is harder than you'd think.

   You're thin, entertaining, I love staying up all night with you and falling asleep by your side. I love you laptop.

   I love walking on the beach with my girlfriend until the acid wears off and I'm just dragging a stolen mannequin around a Walmart parking lot.

   Make love to a woman's mind, and her body will follow in kind

   Don't call me " bae " " baby " " babe " or " love " unless I'm the ONLY ONE you're calling that.

   I love taking the grocery store up on their offer to carry my groceries out to my car for me

   Don't you love it when your iPod is about to fall, and your earphones save it's life?

   Ladies; True Love is when he holds your hair back while you're giving him a bl0wjob.

   If you're not in love right now, you're wasting valuable time!

   Pro tip: Before you tell her that you love her, make sure you're not horny, drunk, lonely, desperate, sad, angry, bored or hungry.

   I met the love of my life at Starbucks. She was beautiful, but I knew I had to drink her eventually.

   "For the love of honey!" - Grizzly bear

   Nothing says "Love" like having a ShamWow tossed at your genitals after having sex.

   I just don't understand my next door neighbor. She keeps going on about how she'd love to be a contestant on a reality show, but she went mental when she found out I'd put cameras all over her house.

   Love is blind but hate has perfect 20/20 vision.