Funny Status Messages

   My girl said today, "You shouldn't wear that shirt, it's a fall color." Woman, my clothes have two seasons - clean and dirty.

   Whenever you see a sword swallower perform, it makes you wonder what sort of activities they used to do to make them realize they had this talent.

   I'm willing to bet the first medicine man was really just a lazy fat ass who figured out a way to get out of hunting or gathering.

   When people ask me to keep them in my prayers, I say sure. I should probably clarify though that most of my prayers are about nachos. So if you need a nacho-related prayer, I'm your guy.

   There are two things I do at the ATM - deposit and withdraw. I don't even check my balance, because it's on the receipt. So, for the love of God, can someone please tell me what the douche in front of me has been doing for the past 10 minutes???

   Come on. Let's all go and be happy in front of some miserable people

   Facebook needs a *LOVE* button... I'd hit it!!

   i wanna grow up to be like Steve Stifler

   I don't have bad handwriting, I have my own Font =D

   search "google gravity" and then click "I'm feeling lucky"!!! :)

   Lou Gehrig didn't have Lou Gehrig's disease. What's next? We find out Hugh Downs doesn't have Down's syndrome?

   So did anyone ever end up getting Jay-Z a what what?

   Rosa Parks never called "shotgun"

   sick and tired of handicap people always getting pushed around

   Being out of 3G range is like traveling back to an older, friendlier America. Cornfields and songbirds. Churches and farm stands. Also, meth.

   I guess I just want you to know that I care about you enough to piss on your gums if your teeth ever catch on fire...

   Some days I wake up Grumpy....other days I let her sleep in....

   Bella: I know what you are. Edward: Say it Bella.Say it out loud. Bella: GAYYYYYYYY.

   Paris Hilton arrested for Cocaine possession.In other shocking news - Earth is still round, & the sky is still blue.

   addicted to facebook! Ok, I admit I've got a problem. So here's what I'm going to do abou.. ah, new message...