Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I wonder how stupid people knew they were being stupid before the slap to the back of the head was invented?

   Sometimes late at night I rearrange traffic signs. People need to be challenged.

   If you can't say something nice, we're probably related.

   MTV has 'My Super Sweet 16' and 'When I Was 17.' What's next? 'Officer, I swear I thought she was 18?!'

   Sometimes all I'm really doing with my life is just trying to make it from one weekend to the next.

   Lays is making new diet potatoe chip.....semen flavor... 97.8 percant of women spit them back out

   Life is like a giant clogged up toilet If only someone was able to fix it...

   Susan Boyle sings: "Wild Horses couldn't drag me away."Maybe not, but it looks like they gave it a f**king good go, eh Susan?

   goodnight Mary Jane smoke you in the morning.

   Any boy can be a dad but only a real man can be a father

   Fun idea: No kids? Hire a babysitter anyway, say kid is asleep upstairs and not to be woken. When you get home later that evening, go mental and ask where the child has gone.

   Condoms hidden, plates and dishes washed, toilet tissue put in dispenser, fruits bought, bed made, bathtub washed, house cleaned and vacuumed, gospel music playing, TV turned on to CNN. MY PARENTS ARE VISITING IN AN HOUR AM SET!!

   What a loser I must be, I didn't even qualify to take a freaking free survey

   the man from nantucket.

   running out of excuses for the stupid things I do. Please submit suggestions below.

   Support the fine arts, shoot a rapper.

   Some call it stalking. I call it love.

   if you get your information from Oprah, don't talk to me

   why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

   Never go to bed angry - Stay awake and plot your revenge!