Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Cell phones should be able to be solar charged

   gone and she left this message to carry on. Those who know her know her well and those who befriended her can go to hell!

   if it were not for mimosa's...I would not reach my daily recommended allowance of Vitamin C

   I spent 3 hours watching Big Brother tonight, thinking all that lazy woman has done is lay on the sofa eating crisps and drinking fizzy.Then I realised the TV wasn't even on...it was just the reflection off the screen.

   who can name the 6 great kings who ave brought immense happiness in two people's lifes ?? Drin-King, Fuc-King, Lic-King, Suc-King, Span-King and Wan-king

   [This post has been removed for breaking facebook community guidelines]

   Dear people in the apartment beneath me: banging on your ceiling doesn't make me want to finish any sooner. It actually makes me want to leave the vacuum on indefinitely....and I think I'll go take a shower now, too."

   Restaurants, please stop trying to get clever with your restroom signs. I have a very small bladder."

   The Klondike Bar found out what I did for it, and now it's blackmailing me."

   drinks, dinner, drinks....rinse and repeat...happy Friday..smile

   Nothing pisses me off like a bird WALKING across a street. No it's cool. I'll wait. BTW You can FLY dumbass!

   Just saved a bunch of money on my Mental Insurance by switching to Psycho!

   I'm not naughty! I'm just mischievously creative!

   welcome back FRIDAY !!! I knew you coming back ,im fully charged and ready to get wasted with you ;)

   This is MY facebook wall and I can do whatever the hell I want with it.

   Dont you hate it when you realize you have to take a $hit right after you shower

   wishes he could start everyday running through a paper wall into the kitchen with the gladiators theme tune playing full blast.

   One day you're gonna ask me whose life is more important? Yours or mine, I will say mine and you'll walk away never knowing you are my life.

   I really want to know why Newton discovered gravity when he saw an apple falling. He used to sh*t and I'm sure it didn't fly.

   GOP = Greed Over Patriotism