Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I miss ___________. I rather not mention you b/c your not worth mentioning :-)

   Welcome to my world:-)...Oh yeah, I forgot..your not in it..:-/

   Quick!! Someone make a status update about tomorrow being Monday and how you're already counting down the days until the weekend is here...

   i don't always drink beer but when I do I prefer to get wasted

   I think I drink too much... my liver is so shriveled, black and dead, if you put your ear up to it you can hear Gary Coleman.

   The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them.

   If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

   Obviously the only rational solution to your problem is suicide.

   Blow your mind -- smoke gunpowder.

   Schizophrenia beats being alone.

   POVERTY: Having too much month left at the end of the money.

   Sky-diving: good til the last drop.

   The angle of the dangle is inversely proportional to the heat of the meat.

   We're not old people we're recycled teenagers!!!!!

   havin octopus for dinner tonight :)

   When things go wrong as they usually will and your daily road seems all uphill, when funds are low and debts are high, when you try to smile but can only cry. when you really feel like you should quit, don't call me, I don't give a S#@t.

   Daffy Duck calls the hotel desk and asks for a condom. They ask "shall we put it on your bill", she says "are you thucking thupid i'll thuffocate!"......

   I write like this not..."LyK Dis"....because I am an adult and I am not retarded.

   'u know what I'm sayin, you know what I'm sayin' -- No I dont know what the f**k your sayin !

   just because they CAN put a mosque there doesn't make it morally right. In fact it's the biggest slap in the face to us.