Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   My gift horse is facing the wrong way

   I want a woman not some little girl, that had to grow up in daddy's big world.

   Everytime I see that Megan Fox on that tv screen of mine, it sure gets a rise out of me.

   Just because you're old and ugly, doesn't give you the right to be rude.

   I wanna hit the like button then unlike to let you know I =never liked in the first place

   wondering if Hootie and the Blowfish had another name in mind in case that was one taken

   WOOP WOOP! *HI-5* to the facebook developers, adding in *BLOCK EVENT INVITES* and not only a *BLOCK APPLICATIONS* section. YEWWW! it's going from SPAMBOOK back to FACEBOOK! to all my friends that are promoters. GIVE IT YOUR BEST SHOT!!! hahaha SUCKERS!

   statistically, you're twice as likely to be killed by a tipped vending machine than by a shark attack. which makes me wonder why there isn't a "vending machine week"

   I think I'm missing a point :| ----->>> ... .....

   wondering what they are saying behind my back

   The WHO has declared the flu pandemic officially over. It's good news but I'm not sure I trust Roger Daltry.

   Wh I thought that Jet Blue Flight attendant would have been used to bags bouncing off his face.

   If an indoor shooting range is burning, what does one scream to inform them?

   How come Batman doesn't sleep upside down?

   Star Wars: A very long time ago but somehow still in the future

   I don't take drugs. I'm not even an athlete

   There's a little Truth behind every JK, a little Curiosity behind every JW, a little Knowledge behind every IDK, and a little Emotion behind every IDC

   As a young child my mom told me I could be anybody I wanted to be. Turns out the police call it identity theft.

   Judge has got a stutter so it doesn't look like I'm getting a sentence.

   Laptop speakers, too quiet for music, too loud for porn.