Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   currently kicking a hornet's nest. (i have a feeling this gonna end badly)

   who you love is a reflection of how you love yourself...

   our lives are shaped by those who love us, and by those who refuse to love us

   never make someone a priority in your life when you are only any option

   It's only 9AM and today is already filled with suck.

   Just heard that Snooki was picked up by police for disorderly conduct.. apparently she was caught "orange-handed"

   Facebook is like a fridge. When you're bored you keep opening and closing it every few minutes to see if there's anything good in it.

   I recently met my good friend's dad. All I could think while shaking his hand was, “Gross, my friend came from this guy's balls.” I'm pretty sure it's thoughts like these that separate me from the general public.

   Barbie has an awful lot of nice things for a girl whose knees do not bend.

   I'm a cool dad, that's my thang. I'm hip, I surf the web, I text. LOL: laugh out loud, OMG: oh my god, WTF: why the face

   is watching "according to Jim"...god definatly took the wrong Belushi

   I think if a player wants more money because he "outplayed his contract", then pay him more if he hasn't been getting into trouble. But, put in a clause stating if he "under plays his contract" team able to reduce his pay accordingly. Injuries aside.

   I've had bratwurst for 4 days straight. I think that means I have to pay taxes in Wisconsin now.

   The BP spill is now officially the worst spill in history.. surpassing Monica Lewinsky's dress.

   The U.S military has plans for attacking Iran according to the Joint Chief of Staff. For details, go to Wikileaks.org

   two blondes walk into a bar... you would think one of them would of saw it

   Where do you find a turtle with no legs? Right where you left it

   i mean cmon.... what girl doesnt grab their friends boobs when they are drunk?

   getting high and watching sharks...

   Walmart where everyone can Enter through the EXIT door and exiting through an ENTER door!!