Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 6356 of 6408

It's finally November! That means it's time I get to start saying the two words everybody wants to hear: Merry Christmas!

If you sit down too much ,do you understand ?
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11-04-2023 11:30
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I’ll be deep frying something later on, because Sunday is the lard’s day.
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11-04-2023 11:36
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Fair warning: If I see anybody wearing a Santa Claus hat before Thanksgiving I'm going to give them a wedgie, whether I know them or not.
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11-04-2023 12:23
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This may not be my Circus, and these may not be my monkeys . but I know all the clowns .
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11-05-2023 01:15
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I drove to town today to pick up my replacement glasses , you wouldn't Believe the people I ran into .....
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11-05-2023 01:21
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Oh, Daylight Saving Time, why hast thou forsaken us?

Do you know why the call it "PMS"? Because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken.
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11-05-2023 06:38
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Saving daylight? Who am I, Superman?

Ten years ago I didn't forward that text to 10 people in 10 minutes. That's why my life sucks now.
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11-06-2023 11:21
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The problem with daylight savings time is around midnight you start to feel like you're struggling to stay awake before you realize it's only 7:00 p.m.
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11-06-2023 21:28 by Moon
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I have CDO. It's like OCD but the letters are in alphabetical order. LIKE THEY SHOULD BE!!
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11-08-2023 07:45
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You know they once made a movie about constipation, but it never came out.

Pro tip: Save business cards of people you don't like. If you ever hit a parked car accidentally, just write "sorry" on the back and leave it on the windshield.

My car clock is finally right again. My patience really paid off.

All men eat ass, they just wating to see if they can do it without you telling anyone...
Be patient and keep that crack clean!

Walmart is giving away free Christmas decorations as long as you can outrun security.

The world is getting too sensitive. Soon I won't be able to make fun of myself without people getting offended.

Coworkers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don't work and the other half aren't so bright.

The closest thing to a 4.0 average I ever got in college was my Blood Alcohol Content.
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11-16-2023 09:47
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