Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Why do girls run from the ones that make them happy, and fight for the ones that make them cry?

   She came to me one night. Explored my body, licked, sucked, swallowed! When satisfied, she damn left & I was hurt!!... stupid mosquito!

   When I say "I understand", it doesn't mean I agree, it doesn't mean I understand, it certainly doesn't not mean I'm listening.

   There's two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works

   If you are brave to say "good bye", life will reward you with a new "hello"

   just seen a man wearing pinki capri's, must be a foreigner..

   Why do you keep liking your own status? Of course you would like it, you f**king posted it!

   nothing last forever, so live it up, drink it down, laugh it off, avoid the bullsh*ts, take chances, never have regrets because at one point everything you did was exactly what you wanted 2 do!!

   Getting older means I no longer have the energy to do many of the things I enjoy in life, for example being awake.

   Oops they got my order wrong again. I ordered an extra large weekend,hold the Monday. I'll wait in bed until they get it right!

   I was so drunk last night , I went to bed with Bo Derek and woke up with Bo Diddley

   Many great discoveries are made by not following instructions.

   A friend of mine bought an iPod Touch. I checked it out... It's just like an iPhone, but you can't make calls. No wait, it's exactly like an iPhone.

   If your parents didn't have children, chances are you won't either

   I'd tap that...Haha....kidding I wouldn't even poke that on Facebook.

   You know you're ugly when you can't even get poked on facebook

   Dear 5 Hour Energy, What in the HELL is your idea of this flavor you call "berry?" Dingle?!

   going to get married. So what if it is a cardboard cut-out.....don't judge me!

   Tonya Harding is preggo and getting married. Break out the banjo's, it's anouther white trash wedding!

   not a California girl but is still unforgettable .