Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   i am pleased that BP has stopped the flow of water into the Oil of Mexico

   u will never find the right person if you do not let go of the wrong one

   worried that my wife (when I'm dead) will sell my fishing gear for what I said I paid for it.

   I once gave up fishing. It was the most terrifying weekend of my life.

   "If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles.

   Men and fish are alike. They both get into trouble when they open their mouths.

   just read that movie theatre popcorn is very buttery and unhealthy, in other news..water is wet! :D

   has a message to all Gingers. Let Raoul Moat be a lesson. We will find you and make it look like suicide!

   always do right.this will gratify some people and astonish the rest

   I don't care if Monday's blue... Tuesday's gray and Wednesday too... Thursday I don't care about you... It's Friday, and I don't have any real plans for this evening...

   if any more of these Mel Gibson tapes get released you'll be able to buy the box set from Time Life by XMas

   thinks that Edward Scissorhands should be very much afraid of Edward Rockhands...

   O dang the voices in my head are speaking Spanish again....they know I don't understand them!

   thinking 9000 people are having sex right now, 2000 are kissing, 1000 getting head and you are reading my status. Hang in there sunshine

   Don't be sad, don't be blue, Frankenstein was ugly too!

   Working on working on my evil plot to take over the world. But first, a bowl of Froot Loops!

   Did you put the "Baby on Board" sign on your minivan to let me know you have precious cargo OR to warn me that your going to drive like an a$$hole and pay attention to everything but the road? just curious....

   I just witness a lady shake the sh*t out of her kid in Wal-Mart...she must be a Shakeweight owner!

   put your hands in da air and wave 'em like you just don't care 'cause it's Friday!

   Don't judge me. If you're reading this, then you aren't working either.