Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Scientists they don't know why this is true, but it's true. Women with big rear ends live longer.. Men who tell them that, Don't."

   IPhone 4 should have just came out on T-Mobile b/c they have one thing in~\..........Hello, Hello...../~common

   Shakeweight.......most akward way of working out xD

   trying to find Osama is like trying to find Waldo....I give up.

   I stood in front of a mirror for 10 minutes to watch myself blink... I missed it everytime!

   I may not meet my wife in college...But I damn sure have met my bros throwing my bachelor party

   WTF is up with people hating on HipHop these days? Thanks to Lil Wayne,I now know that a "Goblin" is better than a "Goon", Pitbull taught Me how to count to 4 in Spanish, and Plies taught me how to be intimate with a woman by pouring Kool-Aid down her a$$

   peer preasure wont work I will not try your the automatic friend frinder facebook

   Mel Gibson's girlfriend coulda had it worse... HE COULDA been a Brazilian Goalkeeper...

   What's 7 inches long with a purple head and women love it? ... A twenty pound note!

   if you poke, please poke responsibly

   i suppose those highway signs that read "Speed enforced by aircraft" has a more serious meaning in Iraq.

   Little known fact: "Ikea" is actually Swedish for the sound one makes when sh*tty furniture falls apart.

   quit my job in the helium balloon factory... I refuse to be spoken to in that tone

   The propeller is just a big fan in the front of the plane to keep the pilot cool. Want proof? Make it stop; then watch the pilot break out into a sweat.

   Birds of a feather flock together...then sh*t on your car...

   it kitty litter if you throw a cat out a car window

   I plan on using a treasure map as my will

   Apparently the forklifts at home depot are "not meant for racing and for employee use only."They should really get a sign..

   Shakeweight...providing practical excercise for ladies since 2009