Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5918 of 6384
Everyone needs a backup man. My husband: plan. The word is plan
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02-06-2020 16:06
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80% of electricity is made from fossil fuels so how are electric cars saving the environment??
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02-07-2020 11:18
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Been working around the house lately and getting so much done by using my favorite Power Tool known as Facebook's deactivation button.
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02-07-2020 11:18
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If her teeth don't fit, she must acquit.
Nancy Pelosi, 2020
#SuperPoliGrip
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02-07-2020 13:43
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Whew. Thank you, warning label. I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.
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02-07-2020 19:21 by Mr.MattM.
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My neighbors hate me because I still haven't taken my Groundhog Day decorations down.
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02-08-2020 08:47
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I'm so old that “Getting lucky” means I remembered where I parked my car at the grocery store.
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02-08-2020 15:32
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My popcorn gone stale, my coke is now flat. Waiting for the showing of the pp tapes, what happen to that?
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02-08-2020 22:06 by IDTN
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I'm so old I can honestly say I've been there and done that. Just cant remember where and when that was?
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02-09-2020 11:03
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I'm so old I went to a Natural History Museum and the guards thought I escaped.
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02-09-2020 11:08
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Am I the only one that thinks it's very narcissistic that the Academy Award Members gave the Best Movie Award to a movie named after them...???
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02-10-2020 03:33 by ZENPagan
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Dam, girl. What did you think I was building? - Beaver
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02-10-2020 05:48
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An old pair of shoes once owned by Justin Bieber has sold on eBay for $50,000. To be honest, they're a little tight on me.
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02-10-2020 06:19
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A woman in Florida gave birth to a baby weighing in at 14.1 pounds. So I guess the question is: a baby what?
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02-10-2020 06:21
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I decided not to host the Oscars this year and see they couldn't find anyone to replace me.
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02-10-2020 08:45 by Moon
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I don’t know why my wife is so loud during sex it’s not like anyone is going to come rescue her
My retirement plan is hoping that a really rich dude with a fat fetish offers me a million dollars to sleep with my wife.
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02-10-2020 12:31
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I'm so old every year my family makes me a bigger birthday cake just so they can fit all the candles on it.
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02-10-2020 13:04
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Just a warning if you're buying a watch on Amazon. I learned the hard way that if it says you can swim with it, this only applies if you can already swim without it.
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02-10-2020 15:37
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My father always said The sky's the limit! Which now that I think about it might be why he lost his job at NASA?
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02-11-2020 01:21
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