Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Roses are red Violets are blue Friend Requests are great But who the f#$k are you?

   a man can do the world of good and never be remembered, but let him make one mistake and he'll never be forgotten

   Life will take you down sometimes, its up2 you if you wanna pull yourself back up!!

   i love you till...............tom catches jerry n has him for dinner...... :P

   I wonder how many hot dogs Kobayashi sucked down in jail last night??

   We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.

   Intex Easy Set Pools just sent a big "Thank You" note to BP...

   THEY SAY IT TAKES A VILLAGE TO RAISE A CHILD, JUST MAKE SURE THEY ARE NOT HANGIN WITH THE VILLAGE IDIOT !!

   just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

   How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...

   If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

   A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

   I wonder if I could just pay a psychiatrist to follow me on Facebook. I'd be able to skip the therapy sessions, and the doc could just send me the appropriate pills based on my status updates.

   it's hotter than two mice f*cking in a wool sock!

   “You can't stop loving or wanting to love because when its right, it's the best thing in the world. When you're in a relationship and it's good, even if nothing else in your life is right, you feel like your whole world is complete.”

   Ugly is such an ugly word. If you must describe me I'd prefer if you used the term "handsomely-challenged

   I have mosquito bites on my feet and I'm thinking the knee is probably the easiest point of amputation.

   No I wasn't born in a barn, but you know who was? Jesus.

   Nobody gets treated worse than a fast food worker who gets an order wrong.

   America: We blow sh*t up better than the rest of yous funny-talkin' countries.