santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Christmas sure does smell a lot like weed.

   On Christmas my brothers and sisters come over with all their ADHD kids, they all really love my Amphetamine Apple Pie!

   I. really hate when Grandma gets me underwear for Christmas-they are always. " I Won't Get Caught Dead In Whitey-Tightys!"

   I'm deaming of a white Christmas......but if the white runs out, I'll drink the Red.

   I'm surprised the whiny P.C. police haven't protested "A Christmas Story" yet; after all, it's about a boy who wants a gun for Xmas.

   It's only 5:00 PM, but I guess I better start my Christmas shopping. Liquor store, here I come.

   I'm dreaming of a white christmas.. but not listen to bing crosby and then go out and and walk around singing to strangers white.

   To all those who will received a book from me as a Christmas present this year....They are due back at the library in 2 days.

   Dear Santa....I've been good for the last hour

   If I want to give someone a bottle of Scope for Christmas.....Would that be rude

   Merry Christmas......now that this is out of the way....I can justify the rest of my day with alcohol and shenanigans.

   All I want for Christmas is NO MORE GAME REQUESTS!!! Thank you!!

   Well this morning I woke up in a box under my tree... I guess I should of been more specific when I told Santa "I want the sexiest person alive for Christmas"!

   Woke up - no Christmas gifts. I guess we all know which list Santa put me on.

   Merry Christmas. ..ya filthy animal.

   Thank you everyone who group text me with Merry Christmas. I just woke up to hundreds of "you too" texts from people I don't know....fml

   To the person who just mass messaged me that heart felt "Merry Christmas" text, I thought you should know everyone says "Thanks". ..All 115 of them.

   "MERRY CHRITHMITH MY ATH!" ~ The kid in the Christmas song that didn't get her two front teeth.

   Merry Drunk I'm Christmas

   that face you make when you only have 1 or 2 presents & the other people around you have 10-12 :-/...then while they are still opening theirs you sit around with that f you look