Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I may be crazy, but crazy is better than stupid.

   Whoever has voodoo doll of me, please have me clean the house and then recline me on the couch.

   The IKEA #Covfefe organizer clips onto the lid of the toilet seat and holds a cell phone, diet Pepsi, and a plate of .

   I stand with Tiger Woods, he obviously needs help standing.

   rubix cube: the original fidget toy

   DUI of the Tiger

   I hate when I'm watching porn and my mom walks in. what is my mom doing in this p0rn?

   Trump has decided to withdraw from the Paris Agreement and the English language.

   Uni-Ball pens missed one hell of an endorsement opportunity with Lance Armstrong.

   Dante, in his Inferno, posited that the ninth level of Hell was a lake of ice known as Cocytus with the damned encased in ice to progressively greater depths. So in reality, a snowball's chance in Hell is actually 1 in 9.

   There's a reason it's called "Girls Gone Wild" and not "Women Gone Wild". When girls go wild, they show their boobs because they want money. When women go wild, they kill men for insurance policies.

   Putting your finger on someone's lips and saying "Shhhh... Not another word." is super-romantic. But the cop didn't think so.

   "Covfefe" definition: (Noun) A fidget spinner for the National media.

   I didn't get the memo. When do we start hating on Stone Cold Steve Austin, since he gave the Stone Cold Stunner to our lord and savior, Trump?

   I really hope, for humanity sake, that you people were all up in arms and angry when the picture of Obama and the noose surfaced.

   Maybe Farmers Insurance will do a commercial with Tiger driving now!

   Kinda shocking to see that pic of Carrot Top holding Trumps head.

   Charlie Sheern has all this "tiger" blood I guess its only fair Tiger has a little "Charlie" blood.

   Charlie Sheen has all this "tiger" blood I guess its only fair Tiger has a little "Charlie" blood.

   Kathy Griffins next show will be "What ever happened to..."