Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It's so adorable when my Mom calls and asks me for my "email number."

   It takes a real Phil Collins fan to name one of their children Sussudio. That child is destined to stutter.

   When caught with weed, never assume anything but the position...

   I went to the bar last night and I hit on the fattest most ugly chick, and I got rejected. I finally accomplished my goal in life.

   I'm wondering why life keeps teaching me lessons I have no desire to learn...

   If I have to endure another day where Facebook doesn't work and is constantly disappointing me, I might have to start dating it.

   I LOVE it when people are overly sarcastic. No, really, it's great! Thanks a bunch!

   I think that someday we'll look back on all of this and blame someone else.

   You see in America, Soccer is usually a game for kids who are too small or too untalented to play baseball or football. I mean, hell, even HogWild played Little League baseball so that should tell something about the talent pool of kids left over to play

   Sorry U.S. Football/Futball/Soccer team. You just weren't "Ghana" win.

   the yanks crashed out of the world cup coz they weren't allowed to use their hands...

   no wonder the yanks have their own so called "american football" coz they don't know how to play the real football..

   why were the uruguayains yellow carded so much in the match against korea , coz they kept running over the parks

   Have a status,leave one..need a status take one!

   Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR,

   I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn

   celebrated Michael Jackson's Anniversary by taking the kids to Toy R Us...he woulda liked that...

   Pessimists see the Glass as Half Empty, Optmisits as Half Full. Rationals see the Glass as two times bigger than necessary.

   Do you wanna know how Interesting Soccer is to the Average American? Let's See, I'll name the two soccer players I've ever heard of.. David Beckham and.. I think Rod Stewart Played years ago."

   Dear Walmart: If your employees "appear" to be incredibly overweight, they ought to know that fitting in to a size 2 gives the wrong impression of your organization. I do not enjoy viewing what looks like to be a belly button when I approach an employee.