Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Oh Snap..I missed the Oscars again. That makes 35 yrs. in a row now.

   Hollywood actors praising themselves...The Oscars smh

   I was never insane except that temporary moment when my heart was exposed.

   How did people get their blessings before Facebook was around for them to type Amen and share?

   German Scientist: "I've created a super broccoli to fight heart disease!" American Scientist: "I've created a way to stuff an Oreo inside another Oreo!"

   1. Go to Starbucks. 2. Order coffee. 3 Tell them your name is Waldo. 4 Leave.

   Moonlight not my Oscar winner. #thanksrussia #LaLaland2018

   alexa... make me a sandwhich

   LA LA Land won the popular vote.

   Lent is almost here! Time to get your Ash in church!

   Me: You are always so argumentative. Wife: No I'm not. Me: See?

   Up until now, I thought "twerking" was short for "networking." Needless to say, today's business lunch was rather awkward.

   A police officer came up to me yesterday and said, "Where were you between four and six?" I said, "Kindergarten." I need bail money.

   You never truly realize what you have till its gone. Toilet paper, for example.

   Thanks to the last 8 years, at least the east side has plenty of vacancies!

   Why are people so upset about Kellyanne Conway on her knees in the Oval Office. This just happens to be the first time this event has been captured on film

   Rep. Maxine Waters refused to attend Trump's address to the joint session of Congress Instead she stayed home to work on a bill addressing the Russian invasion of Korea.

   I thought they said it was a "Joint Session". No bongs, no puff-puff-pass...hmph, joint session my @ss.

   Get over the Kellyanne picture folks, it's not the first time a woman has been on her knees in the White House. Sad!

   "Sometimes you just need a car ride to clear your head." — John. F. Kennedy