Funny Status Messages

   Ive started reading my boys facebook statuses at night instead of bedtime stories, so they'll understand the importance of an education.....

   No thanks on the street corner baskets for Valentines Day. Just put those $10 on a chipotle card.

   The Real valentine Holiday is 15Feb...when chocolate is 70% off!

   Its national shave your... Well, tomorrow is valentine's day. Just an FYI.

   I've decided on my Valentine's Day date...Its going to be whoever sits down next to me at Fricker's. Fingers crossed that its a girl this year!

   If you can't celebrate Valentine's Day with someone you love, forget about it at a bar that you like...

   Her: Make your own snack. Me: It says: Not to operate heavy machinery while using this medication. Her: It's an oven not a forklift.

   Valentine's Day was started accidentally when an irresponsible man gave a bow and arrow to a cherub-faced Baby and he shot the man's lover in the heart ... true story.

   pro tip....today invest in buying Energizer & Duracell stocks

   irony...Valentine's Day is abbreviated as "VD"

   Happy VD to all you young lovers out there,,,!!!💜

   I got a letter from my crush on Valentine's Day. Well, technically it's a restraining order but still....

   Happy Single's Discrimination Day #NotMyValentinesDay

   Happy Single's Discrimination Day. You'll be takiing matters in your own hands. Don't forget to clean up. . .. . .

   Dateline's Keith Morrison can now be your GPS voice, which is awesome unless you put in a middle school in your GPS device...then instantly become a part of to Catch a Preditor.

   If you're single, happy go f#ck yourself today. . .

   So the state trooper said "I've been following you with my lights flashing for three miles. Why didn't you pull over?" and I said "Well, a few years ago my wife ran away with a state trooper and I was worried that you were trying to return her."

   KellyAnne Conway looks tired and flustered every day!

   Most girls will spend Valentine's day alone because their boyfriends will be with their wives

   Roses are red... Violets are Blue .... Vodka costs less than dinner for two