Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5346 of 6447

American media be like: "This just in... Russia dumps a load of manure at DNC Headquarters"
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11-01-2016 07:37
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Taco Bell is doing a promotion where if a player steals a base in the World Series,,, everyone in America would get a free Doritos Locos Taco.. Which is a great way for both players and fans to have lots of runs.
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11-01-2016 07:39 by snotty
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People who think they can run away from their problems have obviously never farted on a treadmill.
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11-01-2016 07:45 by snotty
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It was refreshing to see FB lit up with pics of your Halloween celebrations. Now it's back to your political rambling BS. Not to mention the soon to flood my timeline with your holiday BS.
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11-01-2016 07:46
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I just microwaved a Hot Pocket all the way through on the 1st try,,, So I'm basically a chef at Applebee's now if anyone needs anything.
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11-01-2016 07:47 by snotty
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We've been conditioned to think that only politicians can solve our problems. At some point, perhaps one day we will actually wake up and recognize that that it was those politicians who actually created our problems in the first place.
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11-01-2016 11:08
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Never underestimate the power of Stupid People in large groups.
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11-01-2016 11:11
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I have come to the sad conclusion that Common Sense is a lot like a Deodorant! ... Yup ... The people who need it the most .... Never Use It.
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11-01-2016 11:14
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Raisin Cookies that look like Chocolate Chip cookies are the main reason I have serious trust issues.
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11-01-2016 11:24
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If you want to know who really rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize.
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11-01-2016 11:28
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I'm so sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you an idiot. I really thought you already knew.
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11-01-2016 11:37
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Ok browns fans, lets put the "laughter" back into "manslaughter"
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11-01-2016 12:47
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I have all this candy left at our apartment now. This morning, I had a Skittles and Butter Fingers omelet.
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11-01-2016 12:47
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"The Statue of Liberty just turned 130 last Friday. When France first gave her to us, it was the one time that France didn't retreat..
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11-01-2016 12:48
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How the heck did America get to the point where Congress can actually issue a Subpoena for Records and then when they get them turn around and destroy those records?
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11-01-2016 12:50
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If this rotting pumpkin of a man said or did any of this to your wife, mother, daughter you'd do all you could to stop him, right? #Vote
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11-01-2016 13:16
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Let's face it. If we exist, it means we come from a long line of f**kers.
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11-01-2016 13:31 by Fazzella
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I have an app the reminds me when my garage door is open. Now if I can get one the reminds me when my fly is...
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11-01-2016 17:09
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One small step for man... One giant leap for Danny DeVito.
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11-01-2016 17:15 by snotty
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Can you imagine the pressure Morgan Freeman's mom felt reading him a bedtime story?
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11-01-2016 17:54 by snotty
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