Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A buddy of mine is making a documentary about white trash, not sure if it's any good, I've only seen the trailer

   Password security questions allow me to relive all of my childhood traumas. "Who stood you up for Senior Prom and how did your first dog die?"

   Hangman is a great tool to teach children that if you can't spell a word, someone could lose their life because of their ignorance

   My dream car would be a food truck.

   That moment when you accidently pour too much alcohol into your drink and you have to tough it out because Mama didn't raise a quitter....

   b votin fo hillary dog. o we gon lose woopie yall

   Trump should really try harder to get his message out to the younger generations, especially since one of them will eventually be his fourth wife...

   Hillary bumped into Trump on the way to the White House and she said "Pardon me"...He Replied, "You want another Pardon?"

   Wikileaks should be ashamed of itself for illegally releasing Hillary's illegal activities.

   Wikileaks just released El Chapo's Email too

   Kids nextdoor challenged me to a water balloon fight... I'm just updating my status while I wait for mine to come out of the freezer..

   If Hillary becomes president she will be the first F President. Oh, sorry. I was going to say female, but the "emale" got deleted.

   There's like nothing stopping any of us from booking a room at a Trump hotel and canceling 24 hours in advance.

   So let me get this straight, the same people who are responsible for 9/11 are also responsible for 20% of Killary's campaign contributions. Anyone see an issue with this?

   My grandfather is voting for Hillary.I'd try to talk him out of it but he's been dead for a long time now....

   Well, it's time to start being mean to all the kids in the neighborhood again. I usually net at least a year supply of toilet paper on Halloween night.

   I work as a waiter. The pay isn’t great but I put food on the table.

   Waitress: ‘Do you have any questions about the menu?’ Me: ‘Yes. What kind of font is this?’

   The most used electrical appliance in the wife’s kitchen is the smoke alarm.

   For the past month I have woken up to find hundreds of flowers with no heads all over my doorstep, garden and drive. I think I’m being stalked