Funny Status Messages

   The early bird gets the worm some coffee because he's nice.

   Why do cops get mad when other cops have jurisdiction over a case? I'd be like cool I'm going home to eat.

   It's pronounced PokeMON. Not PokeMAN, grandpa. You've completely ruined this baptism.

   Nice try, generic Cap'n Crunch, but the roof of my mouth isn't bleeding....

   Every story about edible weed: 1) Not high. 2) Not high. 3) Still not high. 4) Not high. 5) Please drive me to the emergency room.

   Only been awake for 10 minutes and I'm already missing my fun dream friends.

   Props to Jon Bon Jovi for continuing to keep up with the hairstyles of women his age.

   What this country needs is more gum control. I'm getting pretty damn tired of sticky wads getting stuck to the bottom of my shoe.

   Everyone is wondering which White House room Melania Trump plans to turn into a brazilian wax studio.

   How long can I stay in a voting booth and scream "I'M STILL THINKING!!!!" before I'm physically removed? Let me know by November.

   Let's disagree to agree. That's my motto.

   I was going to dress as an evil witch for halloween but I didn't want to be mistaken as Hillary

   I woke up early this morning with the strange desire to get up and exercise. Fortunately I rolled over and closed my eyes really tight and the feeling went away.

   I get a real kick out of people who drive a mile in their car to run a mile on a treadmill.

   Are they acting like a real debate?....TeamTrump having a slow start

   "When we went to Mexico, he didn't even bring up the "wall" he choked!" -Hillary

   I don't know if we should give a man, or woman, who can't understand a two minute time limit the office of president. Even the brand new fry cook at McDonald's can figure out the timer.

   DonaldTrump is doing one mean Alec Baldwin impression tonight.

   I am all for self-inflicted Democrat genocide. That is why I am pro-choice. Do we really want more sniveling liberals?

   Why are we surprised? Trump won't even accept the results of his own hairline.