Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   wondering WHY is everybook about vampires now. Pride and prejudce, alice in wonderland, ...why dont we just turn mickey mouse in to a vampire too? !!!

   I really don't think baby steps is an effective way of getting somewhere. For one thing, they fall on their faces half the time.

   I have accumulated considerable wealth which, along with my collection of firearms, makes me very attractive to women. (Every rap song)

   Bumper stickers I'd like to give out: I BRAKE FOR NO REASON / MY OTHER SIGNAL IS OFF / HONK IF YOU HATE WAITING AT GREEN LIGHTS

   If you think about it, "This was the greatest day of my life" is a very pessimistic statement.

   I hate when people say "have a nice day." Like I'm gonna be in anguish later then think "Oh yeah, Truck Driver guy told me to have a nice day."

   Officially out of Liquor Stores within a 25km radius that don't Recognize me as soon as I walk in the door...

   Preserve nature....pickle a squirrel.

   Did you know that in the human body there is a nerve that connects the eyeball to the anus?

   it just a coincidence that batteries and bras come in the same sizes?

   If I see that "fuzzoodle" commercial one more time, I'm going to shoot my tv.

   It's not my fault when I open my mouth words come out

   don't make me mad, I will find your pictures and post them on peopleofwalmart.com and then see who has the last laugh!!!

   was thinking about running around outside naked, but then I drank another bottle except it was Windex, and it stopped me from streaking...

   You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

   The clean up in the Gulf is going well. My seabass I ordered was a quart low.

   it just me or does anyone else translate the sticker "Student Driver" as "Please Screw With Me"...??????

   if you belive in yourself, you can do anything... if you belive that.. your oficialy a retard

   vampires in twilight is pale white ,, how come laurent is black ??

   - I can't believe we only managed a draw against a sh*t team we should easily have beaten........I'm ashamed to call myself Algerian.....