Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Am I the only 1 who cheers 4 the grape soda in the Kool-Aid commercials?

   to drink or........... to drink there is no question.

   Oveheard on the "short" bus.....If you're happy and you know it stomp your hands

   just realized that it's actually called 'hang-gliding' and not 'hand-gliding'. Looks like I can put that one up on the self along with 'wheel-barrow' instead of 'wheel-barrel' and 'volley-ball' instead of 'balley-ball'

   Oh, I believe ya.... but my tommy gun don't!

   why, hello there tequila and vodka....enjoy your stay, and as usual...please feel free to as many complementary brain cells you'd like.....i believe you and liver have met??

   If you can get one person to smile then your day was worth while.............

   hates when his hand falls asleep, it usually means it's going to be up all night

   sorry I ignored your text yesterday, but did you really want me to reply to it with "I don't feel like texting you right now" anyway?

   For the Mean girl who cut me off, gave me the finger & rolled down your window just to call me A-hole. Next time you should think before you act. You were pulling into your Driveway. Now you have Egg on your face & your car & your house. =)

   Fat bottomed girls, You make the rockin' world go round.

   wow just found out Jimmy Dean died! this is gotta be the wurst day ever...

   Family and friends know the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you've forgotten the words.

   This status update is a test. It is only a test. Had it been an actual status update, you would have driven staight 2 Taco Bell & eaten a chalupa.

   has an additional sentence that he never wanted to hear in bed: "On Facebook you wrote 17 cm!"

   Wishes some people were like Etch-A-Sketch's.. when you shake the sh*t out of them they disappear.

   Paedophobiais: a fear of children.....I knew there was a name for my condition! :)

   Lets play house. You be the door and I'll slam you.

   why the hell are all the hot guys tall, dark and obnoxious?????? :(

   Some people have no trouble making ends meet. Their foot is always in your mouth!