Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   When Attorney General Loretta Lynch was testifying in court about her secret meeting with Hillary's husband, I was struck by the irony of the fact that she was appointed Attorney General to arrest people like Loretta Lynch.

   Problem with voting for Trump is that you don't know what you're going to get. Problem with Hillary is that you do.

   .... Bernie endorsed Hillary! #FeelTheTurn

   Anyone know what happens when you mix up your recipes with your receipts? No? Well I'm not going into too much detail but I just ate my f@ck!ng work boots. . .

   My friend asked me if I'd ever be ready to go to a nudist colony. "Mate... I was born ready".

   If HRC is elected as President, they will rename "Air Force One" to "Broomstick One."

   I just threw a piece of food on the floor of my cubicle. Totally forgot my dog doesn't work here.

   Local Japanese-American cultural center begins charging $28 admission when Rare Holographic Mewtwo found in WWII exhibit...

   I'm trying to locate a girl from high school. You know, the one who could tie a cherry stem with her tongue.

   I thought there'd be more sex during my sexual prime.

   She blinded me with science... well, Sulfuric Acid to be more precise.

   My wife just put the kids to bed, now it's time to play Pokemom....

   Hey Bernie supporters, Trump will get you a better job while Hillary will only raise your taxes.

   If you don't know who George Soros is, or who Saul Alinsky was and what Cloward-Piven means, Do America a favor and either educate yourself or DO NOT Vote.

   The mantra of every politician is: Promise Everything, Deliver Nothing, Blame Someone Else. HECK ..... No wonder America is in turmoil ... We rarely vote in leaders .... Just a bunch of Con-Artists to run the Nation.

   In order to help her inner city supporters Hillary is urging President Obama to sign an executive order replacing the word "Looting" with the words "Undocumented Shopping."

   I'm beginning to think Donald Trump is considering gathering all of his Vice Presidential candidates together in a secret place and have them fight to the death to prove their loyalty?

   I just ran over a Pikachu and a Primeape with my car. Now I think Officer Jenny is after me.

   This is not how to one chooses the most important person of the country. With a knot in the throat that wouldn't go down. It's always a fight to chose the lesser evil. Why can't it be the other way

   Find out your porn name by moving to LA with aim to become an actor.